I've recently been called and triggered to dive deep back into the gnarly topic of social media, kids, teens, ethics, and the nuanced, messy, and real implications of it for my children's sense of belonging, safety, and dignity. Uff.
As a mother in tech, working with many tech execs, and with a background in data ethics and data trust, I oscillate between the promise and the terror of what's around the corner for my 4, 6, and almost 9-year-old.
One of the reasons why we moved to Portugal (and changed their type of schooling) is to extend their childhood for as long as possible - to relieve them of the pressure to be online, to have a phone, to be on social media, to scroll, to live outside of their bodies before they even got to know their own bodies (and boundaries!). Together with my dear friend Maria Potoroczyn, we heard a politician compare big tech to big tobacco: "in 50 years people won't believe we were letting kids onto these addictive platforms".
We have a very open communication "policy" on all of this in our home. If phones, then only old phones with simple text messages. No social media until later teens. We didn't even own a TV until we moved into our current longer-term Airbnb in Portugal. It is not a present device in our home, and after the hectics of moving and having more screen time than usual, I was reminded why we have always limited it.
I know many parents who agree with me, yet I also know many parents who find themselves in the messy trenches of making it a reality.
"What if my kids are going to be bullied?"
"Sometimes work just takes over, and I need to put on another show."
"It can't be that bad. It's just WhatsApp and YouTube."
Believe me, I get it, too. I've seen myself in all of it, and I only recently navigated a very long conversation with my son about creating a YouTube channel (more on what he and I learned in the process soon!).
I often ask myself: How will my rather hard-line approach serve our relationship? How do we continue to stay connected amid the rising pressure on all of this? How will they not get sucked into and get influenced by the homogeneity of the algorithms? What is healthy? When does it become unhealthy? How can I support them to be in a creator's mindset? Not in the lethargy of a consumer body?
How can I continue to relate authentically, given my role with and in technology? Tech is a daily part of my life.
Something about working in tech, with tech executives, and as a parent moves me: We know how these platforms are built. We know the business model. What are we each doing in our day jobs to create a safer, less addictive online experience for ourselves and, by extension, for our kids?
We are our kids' role models. We lead the way. They do as we do, not as we say.
What else needs to be said about this problem?
I would love to talk to you if you work in tech, are a parent, and have a point of view on the above.
Please connect with me in the comments.
My email is also widely open for this topic: franzi(at)franziskagonder(dot)com
If you want to learn more about our 2024 roadmap on this project, you can check out our interim project page.